did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
