Your mouth is God's brothel.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
