I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
