You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
