Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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