Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
