My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
