You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
