ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
