I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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