did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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