i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
