I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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