No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
