How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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