Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Screwed.edu
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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