My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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