Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
