Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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