Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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