All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
