Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
