so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
