Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
