Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
