i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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