can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
