i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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