So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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