anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
