Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
