Sober January is a disaster.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
