Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
