His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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