Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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