Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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