You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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