So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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