I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Green mimosas i think yes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
