your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
