I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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