Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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