we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
