Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
