I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
