I just threw up on my dentist
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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