Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
