Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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