feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
