you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
