I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
